Monday, March 20, 2006

Guilt in the Mail

I had three -- count 'em, three -- bills in the mail today. Considering that I get four bills every month, that's a disproportionately rough day. But worse than any of the bills was a letter that I left unopened. When I got Internet and cable TV service through Time Warner a few months ago, I tacked the company's phone service on for convenience and ditched Verizon. I felt bad about it at the time, even though Time Warner convinced me it was a better deal. A few weeks later, I got a form letter from Verizon saying, essentially, "we're sorry that you weren't satisfied for some reason, but we'd love the opportunity to make it up to you in the future if you'll ever take us back." It was kind of emotional. Today, I got a red envelope in the mail, with the Verizon logo prominently displayed alongside this phrase: "What do they got that we haven't got?"

As self-incriminating as this is, it's not an exaggeration to say that I felt a sinking sensation upon reading this question. I felt bad for Verizon, a faceless corporation that I've probably cursed on numerous occasions in the past. Right now, to hopefully move past this once and for all, and if you'll excuse such an unorthodox move, I'd like to address Verizon directly:

There's probably a good, multipart answer to what "they" have that you haven't got, V., but that's not even the point. (And "they" have a name, and you know that, V. Their name is Time Warner.) The point is, I decided to move on. We had our run, but that's over now. Time Warner's not perfect -- look, it's digital service, so it's totally unavailable during a power outage, even emergency numbers! -- but they're my phone service provider now, and it's not fair for you to be asking me hurtful rhetorical questions first thing in the door after work. It's not cool. So can we please just get past this?



Anonymous Nick said...

JW, Verizon was always there for you, whenever you needed. As long as it was Monday to Friday between 8 and 6. And all those long calls late at night, and the letters every month. Doesn't that count for anything anymore? Plus you put V.'s business out on the Web for everyone to see. For shame.
V., baby, if JW won't take you back, you can ring my bell.

[Verizon rep, please do not take this joke as an invitation to stalk me. I'm happily being serviced by RCN.]

11:11 AM  
Blogger Dezmond said...

You should send that letter directly to Verizon. That would be funny.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous dax said...

it is well you did not select A Special Special Way, If Personally Eccentric, as a name, but it might have been more fun. I find myself wondering how anyone who is reasonably fluent and imaginative can be so introverted that he feels driven to share thoughts on his cell phone with anyone who will read them.

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya know, rather then getting pain from having Time Warner(They bought out Comcast here), you could get the Fiber Optics service from Verizon, if availble in your area. Its cheaper, faster, and provide phone, internet, and television, with all those channels you hardly can count or need.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say screw em. Their customer service sucks balls anyway. All those 'we're with you' commercials does not apply to their CSRs.

9:36 PM  

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