Saturday, April 24, 2010

Chthonic Creatures and Peyote Breakfasts

Every time I see one of those ads that make me feel like my life is incomplete if I don't have a phone on which I can simultaneously talk to four friends, watch three different sporting events, start a small business, and book hotel rooms, I come that much closer to renting a small house in Saratoga, throwing my laptop in the Hudson on my way up there, and wishing you suckers luck with everything. Technology fetishism is out of control. That said, I'm on Twitter, and there's no denying it. So I figure that while I'm there, I should have some fun. To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, we are here to fart around. To that end, along with a good friend I've just started a new Twitter page called Imaginary Cormac, on which we post in our best approximation of the voice of Cormac McCarthy. The first nine entries are below. We hope you'll feel like following along.
A new horizon crackles along the edge of half-dark like the dream of a malevolent God. Twitter you think you are ready. You are not ready.

In the red gloaming a dwarf amanuensis crawls through the sagebrush kindling fire as he goes. Or Herb's kid got ahold of some sparklers.

Polenta sticks to All-Clad pans like the afterbirth of some chthonic creature not yet named.

Impossible to capture the God-rapture of horses and thunder in 140 characters. Maybe 150.

Just finished a creosote and peyote omelette. I’ll be in the shed for a few hours.

The day is beset by a rapacious darkening such that ocular mortals must abdicate mindfulness. Bedtime.

Taking votes for setting of my next novel: Ciudad Juárez before the dawn of time, the inside of a wolf’s mind, day care center.

A murderous androgynous raven flown from some distant sunless moon or moonless sun. Bieber.

Rooster woke me at dawn. Had him for breakfast at dawn:01.


Blogger Barbara Carlson said...

At last, Twitter is good for something. And what a Something! -- The sudden wrench... from the set up of (some would say) pretentious (not me) poetry to the reality of our pre-apocalypse life. And in cowboy accents. Excellent! Will bookmark it. And pass them on.

I just watched fawning, plastic-y Oprah try to interview Cormac who had to sit in that horrid leather chair and try not to slip out onto the floor.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can imagine the moment when people in public places, quiet public places, open their cells, read one of these and SNORT!

Great fun.
Thanks. You've made my day.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Strath said...

This is the first time I've considered following a Twitter, i.e., the first time I feel like if I don't, I will be missing out on something.

Dammit, I knew it would come to this. All I ever wanted was Enemyster.

2:22 PM  

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