Friday, June 02, 2006

Chilling News for 2024

I've seen the future.

I was just watching Tom Cruise during a repeat of his appearance on Letterman to promote the latest Mission Impossible. (That's one of those clear cases of diminishing returns on a title, no? I mean, how many entries in the series before audiences start to suspect that, though very difficult, impossible might not be the right word for these missions.)

Yes, he's bizarre. Yes, the tabloids are at least as bizarre. (Trust me, this isn't going to turn into a defense of Cruise, but I find it odd that we barely register the insanity of the media covering these things when the celebrity seems freakish enough. If the debate is about what's weirder -- (a) a world-famous movie star Scientologist who acts in an increasingly automated fashion as his childlike-bride-to-be allegedly checks into some kind of birthing chamber with a policy of enforced silence, or (b) gossip blogs that exist mostly to send us to highly detailed and opinionated articles about (a) -- well, I'm happy to call that tussle a draw.)

I'm really keeping myself from my point here, which is this: I think Tom Cruise is going to run for president someday, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if he wins. His oddity -- with the arguably notable exception of the Oprah couch-hopping thing -- seems to stem from a surplus of image-control. Isn't that true of a lot of politicians? He frequently seems too friendly, too happy to be on the show, too earnestly invested in sharing the surface details of his life with millions as if they were the most private confessions. Does this not make him the perfect keynote speaker at a national political convention?

If and when he does run, he may have to throw over Heezelmop 48-7 (or whoever) for Jesus during a prime-time debate, but other than that, given the nexus between politics and entertainment in this country, President Cruise strikes me as a perfectly reasonable possibility. I don't want it to happen, I just want credit for predicting it when it does.


Blogger Nathan said...

Really? Although it's an interesting idea I can't fathom that occurring. If I was asked to name one celebrity who I thought even had an outside chance of being elected president it would be Clooney.

And nice to see your hotdog on Deadspin.

4:25 PM  
Blogger Dezmond said...

I agree. Clooney is the most likely celeb-politico. He definitely has the charisma, charm thing down (although he has to work on the smug factor). And most importantly, unlike other blowhards like Sarandon, Robbins and Penn, Clooney also has a sense of humor and is very self-deprecating at exactly the right time. He is one of the only preaching celebs who will say something like "but then, I'm just an actor, so what the hell do I know?" If he can throw a line out there like that (even when he doesn't believe it), that can help immensely.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous In 2024 said...

He may run in 2024, but he won't win. The voters shall instead be swayed by my sense of rational thinking.

4:50 AM  

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