Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Stupidest Things Ever

At some point several years back, the magazine Entertainment Weekly shook off the second word in the phrase "guilty pleasure." Still, if I'm going to be on a train for 45 minutes and have been staring at text all week and don't feel up to reading my Geoff Dyer book or the draft of a friend's novel or even a magazine that doesn't feature pictures of Ryan Reynolds, it will do. Especially if it's a "preview issue." I'm a sucker for preview issues. Sports Illustrated could put out an issue with a well-designed cover and the tagline "Australian Cricket Preview 2011," and I would think about it for five or six seconds before deciding not to buy it, research how cricket is played, and then read it.

Tonight, I went to Long Island to visit my mom, and I picked up the EW summer movie preview issue at Penn Station. As in any summer, there are movies I'd be interested to see peppered among the movies for people who were born without a sense of shame or aesthetic judgment. I'm curious about the new Woody Allen movie; not because I've invented time travel and landed in 1978, but because it stars Owen Wilson, who I think is great with grown-up material, and Rachel McAdams, who I love beyond reason. I'll also see Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life. The guy's a genius, even though I fear after seeing the preview that he's a genius whose voiceovers are increasingly written to appeal to Deepak Chopra. I enjoyed Kung Fu Panda, so I'll see the sequel. I'll even see Super 8, J.J. Abrams' movie about young kids making a sci-fi movie in the 1980s. It looks like it would be at least pleasingly nostalgic, and at most very good. Those are just the bolder names that caught my attention; I'm sure other things will pop up.

In the meantime, what I really wanted to do was share eight quotes from throughout the magazine, all from people involved with various summer movies. Taken out of context, I think they provide quite a bit of context for how the season at the cineplex can feel. Here you go:
"Everyone is going to her lake house to have fun and party and, uh, die, I guess."

"I get to get my Lara Croft on."

"This ain't no regular peacock. He's got a crazy look in his eyes, and he's got Gary Oldman's brain, which is terrifying in and of itself."

"They'd put a sticker where each Smurf would be so that your eye line would match, and there were literally hundreds of stickers all around the room. I thought I was going crazy."

"But they don't know that they're aliens. In the 1800s, nobody knows what aliens are."

"It's 9 to 5 meets The Hangover."

"Because effects have gotten so good, it's like working opposite an actual chimp, but with all the best instincts of an actor."

"It's preposterous. It's just the stupidest thing ever, but it's all in the execution."


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