Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Curtis & the Grump

Two choice pieces of entertainment via Strath and Emily's blog. First up, a 28-year-old who lives with his 73-year-old father and has a Twitter page featuring quotes by the elder. Many of them violate the obscenity standards of my family-friendly blog, but here are four milder entries:
"What are you listening to? . . . I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."

"Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot.”

"Why would I want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I'll answer."

"I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."
Visit here for the rest.

It seems the dad spouts at least one post-worthy thing every day, which is pretty impressive. Of course, this father might not be real, but we have to hope he is, right?

On to Exhibit B . . .

I’m not in the habit of watching Wife Swap, as I’m overprotective of my remaining brain cells and optimism. But luckily, Strath unearthed a clip of a kid named Curtis. I’m only half-joking (actually, less) when I say that I hope Curtis runs for president in 2012. That would make for a riveting campaign and might justify the 25-hour-a-day coverage of the race we’re likely to see starting in, oh, a few weeks.

The supremely lucky wife who has been swapped into Curtis’ family makes the mistake of trying to avert the kid’s future head-on collision with diabetes or coronary rot or both. Watch closely right after he finishes saying, “She’s acting like she’s the queen and we’re the sorry people,” when he adopts the internationally accepted facial expression for “I’m an Angry, Incredulous Redneck.”

Needless to say, what has to happen is a reality show featuring Curtis and the foul-mouthed, cranky father living in close quarters. The world can give us The Surreal Life, but it can't give us that? Stupid world.


Blogger Dezmond said...

They must have the same soundtrack for every reality show. I swear I've heard that ominous music at least 400 times. I love his little blue bag. And he wants to be taken seriously.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous jpw said...

Oh my god. This was hilarious.

11:39 PM  

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