Joke's On You, It's Metal Fragments

When I was in college, Crystal Pepsi was introduced to the market. Presumably, it was all the rage then that sodas be transparent. I don't really remember this, but it must have happened. In any event, one day my roommate stooped to try the new brand, and immediately made a terrible sound and spit onto the pavement. Another floormate, witnessing this, said, "Joke's on you; it's bleach!"

I bring this up because, while the Pepsi product wasn't actually bleach, there are all kinds of hilarious and terrifying product recalls that happen on a regular basis. My friend -- and it's impossible to overstate how much I thank her for this -- gave me a tour of the FDA's "Recalls, Market Withdrawals and Safety Alerts Archive." This place is a goldmine.

There are the straightforward, if long-winded, alerts:

Raw Indulgence Announces Nationwide Recall of Raw Revolution Organic Live Food Bars Because They May Contain Metal Fragments

There are the, in retrospect, ironically named products:

Wegmans Recalls Food You Feel Good About Spring Water

And then there are the headlines that seem pulled straight from The Onion:

Improperly Refrigerated Crab Meat Seized

I told you: Goldmine.