Archive of the Day

From I Hate Myself and Want to Die, from the chapter on "All By Myself":

There is a stock device used in slasher films known as the "false relief." It’s when the stalked and terrified heroine hears a scratching noise at a window and raises up the blind only to find an errant tree branch banging against the glass. Sighing with relief, the girl thinks she’s in the clear until the machete-wielding killer crashes through an adjacent window a few seconds later and vivisects her. With this in mind, let us revisit the recorded history of "All By Myself." To whit: Eric Carmen leaves the Raspberries to pursue a solo career, and writes a really long ballad about loneliness entitled “All By Myself” based on Rachmaninoff’s really long Third Piano Concerto. That’s the sound of something scratching on the window. The song becomes an unexpected top-ten hit in 1975. That’s the terrified heroine raising the blind. Yet despite its bathos and faux-Russian misery, Carmen’s “All By Myself” inflicts no lasting harm on the listener. That’s the heroine finding a tree branch banging on the glass and sighing with relief.

Celine Dion doing a remake of "All By Myself" is the deranged killer crashing through the adjacent window.