A Lot About Mascots. Buckle Up.

I'm just back from a Yankees game that felt like it lasted seven hours (not that it wasn't fun; it was, other than the fact that they lost to the lowly Devil Rays). But despite my heavy, heavy eyelids, I can't let the blog go blank tonight, and luckily I have a lot of material about one of my very favorite subjects, via the great Deadspin, which pointed me to this post about mascots that "need to die."

The list is entertaining enough, but where things get really fun is in the comments below it.

Some of the highlights, for those of you less obsessive than me:

One responder posts this photo of "Dinger," a mascot for the Colorado Rockies (for some reason):


Beneath it, he writes: "I was at the game when the Rockies supposedly discovered this giant dinosaur egg under Coors Field, and then was there again when the egg 'hatched' and Dinger was born. It's ridiculous."

That's awesome enough, of course, but here's some more...

Two commenters get into a war about which mascot was born first (presumably neither hatched out of an egg), Mr. Red or Mr. Met. They do look alarmingly similar, though Mr. Red's all-black eyes make him much, much scarier:




Not to be confused with Mr. Red is Big Red, the mascot for Western Kentucky University, whose inclusion on the list leads to one of his fans losing his or her cool:

I HATE YOU SO MUCH HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE BEST MASCOT EVER BIG RED MUST DIE??? HE IS BETTER THAN ANY MASCOT EVER. HE EVEN EATS PEOPLES HEADS!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT BIG RED?!?!?! I love Big Red!

Then there are those who don't want to defend their school's mascot, but rather to add it to death row, like this person:

I went to Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, OK. Our name was the "Redmen", our colors were green and white, our letterhead had a chicken hawk on it, and our actual mascot was something that looked like a piss-soaked rag on a green Elmo. I can't remember its name, but it was something incredibly stupid.

This person then comes back on to the board having done some research:

As an update to my previous post, the goofy-assed Elmo guy is named ROWDY and apparently has his own website here.

Lastly(!), there is this disturbing message:

well hofstra has the hottest and best duo of mascots in sports, kate and willy, a female and male lion that ocassionaly (sic) look like they're about to have sex on the basketball court, they do crowd surfing and everything

Naturally, this led me to wonder just how "hot" a pair of mascot lions in heat could be. If you guessed, like me, "not very," congratulations:


I know it seems like I must have recapped the whole thing, but really, I didn't. Visit the page and see for yourself.