Random Thoughts While Watching the Grammys

When did Kid Rock turn into John Mellencamp? . . . Now that I've seen Stevie Wonder performing alongside the Jonas Brothers, I've also seen the need for a much stronger word than "slumming." . . . I understand -- or at least, I can try to understand -- why a 13-year-old might want to hear Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift sing this insipid song about freshman year. But why is an arena full of adults sitting there and taking it? A mass citizen's arrest would be a more appropriate response. . . Katy Perry got them to sink an awful lot of money into stage production for someone who can't sing. This song isn't even catchy. . . . (Commercial break: There's a new anti-depressant called Abilify?? That reminds me of the time they gave Bart a drug for ADD in The Simpsons: Focusin.) . . . I thought that Morgan Freeman's reverent introduction of someone who's a visionary, a poet, and someone he's honored to call a friend would surely be for Paul McCartney. It was for Kenny Chesney. That's not a curveball; it's an eephus pitch. . . . Ah, Kate Beckinsale introduces McCartney. She is significantly hotter than Morgan Freeman. She also, based on who they vouched for, has significantly better taste in music. . . . Best Pop Vocal Performance, Male, just went to John Mayer. In 1964, the award went to Louis Armstrong. In 1974, Stevie Wonder. The world, as you may have noticed, is getting worse. . . . If you don't agree with that last statement, then you're not listening to Sugarland right now. . . . This isn't a song that shows off Thom Yorke's live voice, to say the least, but it's still cooler than anything else tonight. And the USC marching band -- which, yes, is accompanying Radiohead, in case you're not watching; and you really shouldn't be -- is having a blast. . . . I'm just going to say it: Justin Timberlake puts most of these people to shame. Now, it doesn't take much to shame these people. But he can actually sing, and he seems, I don't know, classy. I'm sure this is all relativity playing tricks on me. . . . Toward the end of the night, a large group of jazz and blues musicians, including Terence Blanchard and Allen Toussaint, pay tribute to New Orleans with a jam. The crowd gets lively. My co-viewer nails it, saying, "You know, when people actually play music, everyone gets really excited about it."