Allen's Stand-Up, Written Down

I highly suggest buying this, if you don't have it already. In the meantime, this site has transcriptions of Woody Allen's stand-up material from the 1960s. Two samples:

I used to go to New York University a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village, that's where I started, and I was, ah, in love in my freshman year, but I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic, y'know. We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.

I wanted to discuss my marriage, 'cause that's important. My marriage, or as it was known, "The Oxbow Incident." I had a rough marriage. Well, my wife was an immature woman and, ah, that's all I can say, she...See if this is not immature to you: I would be home in the bathroom, taking a bath, and my wife would walk right in, whenever she felt like, and sink my boats.

My favorite bit is "The Moose," which I read years before I ever heard it. Go and enjoy.

(Via Maud Newton)